In the last few years we have seen an increase in raising awareness regarding an epidemic that touches just about all of us at certain points in life: loneliness. Organizations have taken major steps to assess loneliness in the workplace, have highlighted programs offering employees behavioral health and social well-being tools to ease the stigma of loneliness. Doing so, has brought so many individuals out of the dark in their individual lives and into the light to accept that this is a social and environmental issue and not one that they have to battle alone. Easier said than done sometimes; nonetheless,  not an issue to be ashamed of or to hide from, although, many do. But, loneliness can mean something different to each individual.

Workplace loneliness can range from working within a team for years and then consulting on your own as an entrepreneur, which can be quite isolating at times. Some employees, for instance, when losing in-person interactions and lack of face-to -face collaboration, can become chronically stressed and also lead to boredom and apathy. Some may work well with more than usual autonomy than someone else and feel great, if personal relationships are balanced outside of work. It really all depends on your genetic patterning of how much connection you may actually need.

In a recent survey by Cigna healthcare where an estimated 20,000 adults completed the survey, results showed that this is the next big issue not only workplaces may want to address, but also as evolving individuals.  

Highlights from the survey suggest:

• 47% of adults always feel alone or left out, and rarely spend time socializing with family, friends, or co-workers.
• 1 in 4 adults frequently feel like no one understands them.
• 2 in 5 adults feel isolated, without any meaningful relationships.
• 1 in 5 adults don’t have any close friends, or someone they can talk to.

If these statistics weren’t enough to encourage addressing loneliness into your wellness program, other statistics show loneliness may increase the risk for chronic conditions such as heart disease, stroke, depression, anxiety, inflammation, certain types of cancer and autoimmune disorders.

Within workplace wellness programs, the following are helpful to implement:

• Health Risk Assessments inviting employees to complete a short survey, collecting data on loneliness.
• Hosting a lunch event with a guest speaker, potluck style to socialize and demonstrate the value of the employee to the employer.
• Volunteer hours for employees to participate in a food drive, toy drive, or something similar in the community.
• Recognizing success by, well, recognizing the people in your organization who are actively participating in your wellness program and with permission, sharing a few details about their success to motivate others to change and encourage conversations.
• Be present. By having C-suite leadership set an example in positive lifestyle habits, not only physically with nutrition and health, but also with social engagement.

What I wanted to learn more about while working on my own individual reflection around what loneliness looks and feels like is: where does it come from and what can we as individuals really do about it? By implementing certain protocols, are we simply perpetuating the problem by covering it up with false pretenses, flimsy friendships, partnerships and participating in events that feel trite and filling the void, if you will, to avoid actually feeling lonely?

There can be many reasons for loneliness. Of course, we know that social media and society in general may have increased the challenges of establishing and maintaining relationships. By choosing acceptance that loneliness is a part of life and the human condition can help put those emotions into perspective.  Giving up on self-judgment is easier said than done, but it can certainly ease the profound emotions associated with loneliness such as shame, guilt and alienation. Loneliness is a deep, disruptive hurt than can become chronic. Resisting those emotions can become a heavy weight; a huge burden. Sometimes lonely people have difficulty because they view themselves as inadequate or unworthy. Shame about who you are will block making connections with others, keep you stifled in a fearful paradigm and on the defense of attack or maybe withdrawing completely.  Of course, it doesn’t necessarily have to be this dramatic as some individuals merely feel lonely from time to time, if that, and are able to simply embrace the loneliness and problem-solve ways to mitigate a ‘slippery slope’ mentality.

Those that have not been able to find ways to regulate the emotions that come with loneliness are those that start losing feelings of security and may fall into deep desperation of wanting connection, but may come across as hurt, angry or resentful, and pushing people away without knowing it themselves.

To digress for a moment, loneliness is different than solitude. Solitude is a comforting feeling of being alone and by choice. Wanting that aloneness versus loneliness as a discomfort – you want to be more connected to others. When you’re not, you can emotionally and physically feel those effects by feeling panic, despair, chronic pain, etc.

One of the loneliest experiences may occur when you are in a crowd of people you do not feel connected with or when you are with a partner/friend and feel no connection. Loneliness may be spiritual emptiness or not having someone to share the holidays with. Overall, being lonely seems to be about not feeling connected in meaningful ways to others, to the world or life. This can start with experiencing lack of love as a young child. Sometimes a deep loneliness comes with having a physical difference or suffering from a chronic physical or mental disorder that leads to isolation or worse, discrimination.

There isn’t one way to navigate away from loneliness, but I encourage organizations to look deeper to the individual and culture of the Firm rather than using a template when creating programs to offset mental health disparities and loneliness. Encouraging self-acceptance without judgment and finding providers or groups that can instill tools to regulate the emotions around loneliness is something I would recommend first and foremost. ^(1-3)

1. SHRM Better Workplaces Better World. Loneliness and isolate in the workplace hurt employee health and well-being and the bottom line. 2019.
2. K. Hall, Ph.D. Psychology Today. Accepting Loneliness.  2013.
3. FitLyfe. Loneliness: 8 Workplace Wellness Tips to Connect Your Employees. 2019.